Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
