i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
