Whod you bang
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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