So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize