remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize