Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
