they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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