My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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