East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
