I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just google imaged poop.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
