During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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