roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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