Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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