I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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