walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
