I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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