yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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