OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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