Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize