YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
