If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
