How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
