her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
