I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize