Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
