between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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