Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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