i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
