I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
