A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
