The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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