I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
