i need an iv and a liver transplant
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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