It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
