3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
