i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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