every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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