On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
