so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
