Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize