There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
