Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
