but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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