making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
