I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
