he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think my cat just said my name.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize