3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had to cum in my sink.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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