There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
