...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I look better un-naked...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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