Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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