You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
