You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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