he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
