I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
