I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
