she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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