Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
