I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
