Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
