I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dicks are not precious.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize