Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
