She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
