i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
