Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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