Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
