Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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