I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
