my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
