after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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