omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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