So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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